Three Little Ninjas

ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH

2009-10-04T17:33:00.000-07:00

One of those days you just want to find a hot non-pirate and tell the marital pirate to go fuck a hippo.

Pirates and Swabbing the Decks

2009-03-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows that we Ninjas are pretty good at swabbing the deck. Some better than others, probably, but you get the point. This ninja is an excellent, thorough cdeck swabber- but I HATE cleaning. Hate hate hate.

I do it to please the pirate, who has one of those bordering-on-OCD type obsessions about house cleaning. It's not enough that the house it spotless, laundry done, etc and smells nice. Nope, there's a pot on the floor. There's one bowl in the sink in the galley. Yup.

I am the type of ninja who, while enjoying a nice clean ship, also really has no huge issue with one dish in the sink or a couple of muddy paw prints by the door. About once a month I go really crazy and swab away every little detail, but I'm not into it on a daily basis. I don't have the time or the energy for that (after all, I need to have blogging time!), and the little ninjas just ruin it anyway.

If the obsession ended at clean sink and floors, I'd be happy, but it doesn't. The pirate can't tolerate a single toy out of place, even while the little ninjas are playing with them. Hard to be a little ninja learning through play, when daddy pirate yells at you and takes your nunchuks from you to stick back on the shelf!

All in all, the Pirate vs. Ninja war has been slow lately. We're getting along relatively well, which is good. The Subtle Ninja is doing very well with his new behavior plan here at home, and the Hungry Ninja is learning some table manners.

Not too much to complain about at this time.

Ninjas hate being ordered around

2009-03-06T06:48:00.000-08:00

This ninja is sick and tired of being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it. Why can't I go out alone sometimes? I don't always want the pirate with me, I want to be alone occasionally. Maybe I want to take the Little Ninjas someplace and leave grumpy pirate to play videogames. If I could go out sometimes maybe I would have some friends other than the internet variety. I'm lonely and bored and resentful. I get my "outside time" once a week, sometimes twice but it always has to be for however long the pirate says and when the pirate says. He tells me "Ok, on Saturday you can go do your gardening or outside things from 2pm-4pm and I'll watch the little ninjas" without even asking me if I want to do that at that time. If I don't I just don't get time. If I do, I have to worry about him being mean and yelling at the little ninjas for insignificant things or even if he does get along with them I will hear about how stressful and hard it was for him later. It's not really "me" time this way. It's scheduled time and that ruins it for me. What if I just want to go out back and sit in the grass? Have to take the little ninjas and even then I'll hear about it when I get inside because we're missing out on "together time".

For god's sake, fuck together time. I need less together time. I need time spent doing something I like and not watching little ninjas or cleaning the stupid house or sitting at home while he is at work all day long. We only have one car and it's got a lot of miles on it at this point and gas is too expensive to be driving around randomly anyway but my goodness do I wish we had a second car. I am going stir crazy in this house doing the same thing day after day and it's never good enough anyway.

I've tried to get more "me" time by begging him to take time for himself. Go to a movie, I say, go play video games, go find a friend or something. Go away. Please. Because whenever I want time, the argument is "I don't get any time, and I work for a living!" but he refuses to take any personal time. I can't win! I would give anything to be in a relationship where I can say "I'm going out to dinner with a friend, I'll be back in a bit" and have it be ok. He'd blow a gasket if I tried that. I'm only allowed to do friend related stuff (I only have one friend and she's a lot younger than I am) when he is at work and friends are to be gone from the house before he gets home or he gets sulky and grumpy at me. I just want a life, I want to be free from this house and only getting out to take him to Blockbuster or Walmart or Target.

I stopped doing anything a few weeks ago. Why bother cleaning when he's just going to come home and start swabbing the decks? It's offensive to me to spend the whole day cleaning (I hate cleaning but I'm good at it and I do it right) to just have the pirate come home and not even say hello- just start cleaning things. Things that don't even need cleaned. I don't see a point to doing it if he's just going to re-do it.

It is so frustrating. I can't have one dish in the sink even for a moment. I can't spill something and not wipe it up within seconds. Example: A few days ago I was cutting carrots and sliced my finger. blood on the counter. I went to wash my finger and put on a bandaid, and I got lectured for leaving a mess on the counter (the carrots and blood). It's not as if I made a mess and left, I was going to clean it up.

The little ninjas can't have toys out. Subtle ninja isn't allowed Legos even though he adores them, because he pours them out and that's a mess and never ok. The Hungry Ninja can never leave a single stuffed animal or toy train out, even while those things are being played with. Rooms have to be immaculate. If a little ninja spills, it's this huge angry fuss instead of just cleaning it up and getting on with the day. Why would you bellow at a child under 5 for spilling? It was accidental. Not fair. Then I'm being to lenient and spoiling the kids if I defend them. I'll always defend them anyway, especially the Subtle Ninja.

I'm sorry to whine so soon in my blogging career here, but sometimes you just feel shitty and need to get it out. No one in my daily life cares to listen, so this is the best I can do.

Ninjas Vs. Pirate

2009-03-06T06:10:00.000-08:00

It's kind of an important question, you know... Who will win the epic battle, that timeless competition between ninjas and pirates? I'd like to think that the ninjas will eventually win out, because really I'm pretty goddamned sick of pirates and would be easily enticed to go ninja if we could somehow genetically engineer ninjas with the pirates "peg-leg".

Wow- what a bizarre analogy. Obviously I'm talking about men and how much they frustrate me. Really only one of them. Those damned pirates. Why did I marry a pirate, rather than remain a single, happy, carefree ninja? Because I wanted to be a stay and home ninja to my little ninjas. Because I was in a big hurry post breakup with the Subtle Ninja's father and wanted not to be alone. At our age, you want to rush and get it done fast. You want that ring on your finger, that completed feeling, the security of having someone there and two incomes too (I was a gainfully employed ninja for a long time). It just seems right to rush off and have a courthouse wedding.

The pirate and I never really got to know each other. I don't know that we're much better now, 5 years later. I didn't bother to find out how goddamned controlling the pirate would end up being, or realize that pirate OCD would mean my life would become one long cleaning spree after the next, never good enough for the pirate's standards.

The pirate didn't realize what a bitch I can be, how quick to anger and morose. He didn't realize that I'm not like his family in that if we get in a fight, I won't just make a false apology then forget it ever happened. I hold a grudge. I stay angry. When we fight, I go off. I say things that would make even the most cutthroat of pirates blanch. I can curse the parrot right off any pirates shoulder if in a suitable rage.

I have a hard time ending fights. When the pirate tells me he's sorry, I don't know what to say because I'm still furious and not ready to make nice and cuddle. Give me a hug and it'll be met with a resounding "fuck you" not literally of course. Body language. It's all about subtlety. Just ask the Subtle Ninja, he'll tell you. Well he won't, he's not a big talker, but I'm straying from my point again.

I don't trust the pirate's apologies anymore. When I apologize, I mean it. I don't take apologies lightly, if I'm not genuinely sorry, you'll never hear me say it. When he says it, usually it's just to shut me up and stop the fight or even if genuine, is riddled with excuses.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think I wasn't happy with how you mopped the floor."

Or

"I didn't say anything" "I didn't do anything"

When he most certainly did. I can admit when I'm being nasty, or when I said something I should not have, or even when I'm wrong. I don't enjoy it, but I try not to make excuses. Nothing frustrates me more than the pirate doing something, apologizing for it, but making excuses that deny he did anything wrong. I guess my theory is that if i don't do it, why should he?

It all boils down to not knowing each other. We have no common interests. He never goes outside, I was raised playing outdoors. I enjoy the wind and the grass and the trees. He enjoys the couch, the television, the mall. If we could just give in and spend time doing what the other likes, it would probably be fine but he won't. I watch TV with him for hours and I go to the mall or the shops he enjoys but the closest he'll go to outside is the back yard for a few minutes then say he's cold or he's tired or he's bored or he needs to clean. This ninja feels like she's been sitting on her ass on the couch for nothing except a lot of gained weight and a very unsatisfying feeling of being fucked over by the pirate.

And not in the good way.